


The Echoing Sins of Silence

by cauldronofdoom



Category: Captain America (2011), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Multi, all pairings off screen, buckets of the stuff, much angst, non-graphic rape of a minor, rated for themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-30
Updated: 2012-06-30
Packaged: 2017-11-08 20:43:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/447359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cauldronofdoom/pseuds/cauldronofdoom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve was never frozen, and became Tony's godfather. However, being away as often as he is, all he knows of the child is through Howard's letters. This leads to some rather shattering misunderstandings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 17: mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> From a prompt on avengerkink. It can all be found here. http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/6565.html?thread=10815141
> 
> Also, the rambling/flashbacking style's a little hard to read, I know, but it seemed to suit the feel.

Steve was giving the eulogy. Of course Steve was giving the eulogy. The only people that wished he wasn’t were the ones Howard had slighted, and they just really wished someone they idolize wasn’t talking about how amazing Howard Stark was. 

Tony knew that Steve was better than the alternatives, but he couldn’t help wishing the older man wasn’t up on the podium. Wishing everyone knew… No. No, that would be bad. That would get Steve in trouble, because Steve said things like that were good, even if those stupid teachers and PSA people didn’t agree.

Steve was Captain America. Obviously anything he stood behind was right. Right?  
*  
“I’m glad to see you again, Tony, but I wish it could be under better circumstances.”  
(Last time was three years ago.)  
“It’s such a shame that Howard’s gone, he was such a good man.”  
(Pain. Hurts. Blood. “No! Dad! Dad, please! No, Dad, no! Dad!”)  
“I’m glad you two patched up your differences, at least. It would have been horrible for you two to have still been at each other’s throats when this happened.”  
(“What do you think you’re doing, causing your father all this trouble?”)  
“He really loved you a lot, so I know how much your happier relationship meant to him.”  
(“This is the only type of love you deserve, you horrible brat! Useless! Waste of time, waste of money… This is all you’ll ever be good for.” Painhurtdangerno!)  
“I wish he could have been around to work beside you, now that you’ve graduated. He would have enjoyed that.”  
(“Learned your place, have you? No more of those stupid tantrums? Good. About time you took it like the slut you are. Don’t lie to me, I know how you are.”)  
“I can see you don’t really want company right now. It must still be a big shock, hunh? Well, just call me if you need someone to commiserate with, and remember to write.”  
(“If you’re going to act like a child, you’ll be treated like one.” Smack! Smack! Ohgodhurtspainbruisesbloodhurtshurtshurtshurtshurts! Smack! Smack! Captain America says you did wrong, so you did wrong. Smack! Smack! You deserve this. Smack! All of it. Smack!)  
“Steve?” A hand on his jacket. How did that end up there?

Steve just smiled and wrapped him up in a hug. “It’s alright, Tony. It’s good to grieve, sometimes. You’re allowed to cry.”  
(“Quit crying, you stupid little shit! You think this is bad?”)  
“It’s okay, Tony. I’m proud of who you are, and Howard would be too. You can cry.”  
(Steve says this is right. Steve says this is how it should be. Silent. Obidient. Not fighting.)  
“You’ve grown up so well, Tony. I’m glad.”  
(Steve says this is right. Captain America says this is right.)  
He smiled up at the blonde through his tears. Steve said the last few years were better, that Tony is good.

Captain America is always right about what’s good. Right?


	2. 19: Realizations

Steve didn’t remember when Tony quit being affectionate. He’d withdrawn from contact years ago. The eyes, too, the eyes were the same. Flinching when men walked into the room, needing to keep eyes on everyone…

He needed to talk to Tony.

It took some doing to get his superiors to release him to go to California, but he explained that he needed to be with his remaining family after the last mission. Sex slaves over in Asia. People, just children, really, most of them, being sold, used, demeaned… It was against everything he stood for, and it had sickened him. Then had come the random thought when one flinched after he reflexively tried to help when they stumbled. They act just like Tony.

It had hit him like a punch to the gut. Had someone ever hurt Tony like this? Was that the reason for his acting out, a trauma? Stark men could be very proud, Steve knew. If something had happened, it would make sense that Tony would never admit to it, never admit to having been helpless.

The more he watched these victims, the more he came to believe it was true. He’d never been around rape victims, and neither had Howard. He felt slight shame, then, for the lecture and spanking he’d given Tony five years previous. Likely the incident that had resulted in the thrown book had just been a trauma related incident blown out of proportion by Howard not understanding what had happened, and what Tony needed.

He felt sick at the very idea of someone doing that to Tony. Bright, happy, brilliant Tony, who always greeted him with a hug and loved learning and inventing. 

He needed to talk to Tony.

He needed to get Tony to tell him what had happened. He needed to get Tony help, and God help the person who’d done that to him. Steve would tear them limb from limb for hurting any child, and that it was *Tony* just made it worse.  
*  
Tony wasn’t picking up his phone. Or opening his door. Still, Steve had gotten the keys from Jarvis before leaving New York, so that was fine. He could wait inside, and when Tony came home or came downstairs from his room or even came up from the workshop after an engineering blitz, Steve would be there.

When Tony finally did wander up, he looked horrid. He’d obviously been a few days at it this time, and Steve found himself sighing in fond exasperation. Then he noticed the glassiness of the young man’s eyes and his own clear blue orbs flickered down to the bottle he was holding.

His lips thinned against his will, and he saw Tony notice. Any hint of disapproval from him had always cowed the young man, but that really wasn’t what Steve was after. One of the few things Howard and him had disagreed on was the older man’s drinking, but Howard claimed it was the only thing that kept the nightmares of the war away. It appeared he’d accidentally passed his coping method on to his son.

How long had Tony needed a bottle to cope? Did he have his own dreams, ones filled with terror and hopelessness? God, Steve hoped not, but the evidence was stacking up against that.

He shook that thought away and forced a grin to his lips. It felt wrong to him, but Tony’s posture became noticeable less defensive, so he counted it a win and stood up.

“What, don’t I get a hug anymore?” He asked, holding out his arms. Tony hesitated for a moment (how long had he done that? Held back even from Steve?) before throwing himself across the room at his godfather. Steve smiled and stroked his hair, ignoring the strong scent of whiskey. They could deal with the alcohol after they dealt with the why of the alcohol.

Steve steered them down onto the couch, not letting go when Tony went to pull away. Not enough to make him feel trapped, just enough that he’d know he didn’t have to go. Tony collapsed into his shoulder like his strings had been cut, and Steve went back to petting his dark hair.

“I wasn’t expecting you. Even when you’re stateside, you usually don’t come out here.” Tony muttered into his shirt.

“I just… My last operation went well, but I was feeling really unsettled after it. I needed to come see you.”

“You know you’re always welcome, Cap. I like it when you come visit. Usually you’re not even in New York long enough to make flying all the way over there worth it, ‘specially since Obie won’t let me use the company jet to see you.”

“Well, that’s what you get for moving to the other side of the country.” Steve teased. He felt the slight stiffening of the young man he was holding, but didn’t have time to dwell on the change.

“They’re more understanding of child prodigies here. In New York they see that I can’t even get a decent beard yet and don’t listen to a word I have to say.”

Steve made a sound of understanding and continued stroking Tony’s hair, hoping to relax him again. He was also contemplating the morality of bringing up his question now, when Tony was drunk enough to maybe talk. It was horribly underhanded, but he didn’t think even his disapproval would keep Tony from lying about this when he was in his right mind.

Tony snorted, drawing Steve’s attention back to him. “I can almost hear your thoughts, Cap. You may as well just tell me what’s bothering you so bad you’d fly across the country just to see me.”

“There’s no ‘just’ in seeing you, Tony.” Steve idly chided, trying to figure out how to bring up the troubles weighing on his mind. “It was… We took down a sex slave ring, and freed the people in it.” Tony was stiffening up again, but Steve would lose his nerve if he didn’t continue.

Maybe he really didn’t want to know.

“The victims, once we rescued them… Even when we assured them we weren’t going to hurt them, they kept shying away and acting oddly. I know it was from the trauma of the rape they suffered.” He took a deep breath. Now or never. “They reminded me, oddly, of you.”

Tony pulled away at that, and Steve let him go. “Why are you bringing this up again now?” Steve almost didn’t hear it, and was struck speechless by what that sentence implied. Tony was silent for a moment before he turned to face Steve. The blonde was struck breathless by the sheer amount of tortured confusion in the younger man’s face. “I was good, I swear! I never told, I stopped fighting and being childish like you said… Was it not good enough? Did I not do good enough?”

“Tony!” Steve exclaimed, gently grabbing his hands as a show of support. “That has nothing to do with you being good or not! Things… That… Being raped is *never* your fault, Tony, *never*!”

Tony just looked confused now, but his eyes bled out a helpless, hopeless rage that Steve hadn’t seen outside of POW’s and other people that had been through hell. “But it *wasn’t* rape!” He insisted, voice cracking painfully on the words. “It wasn’t. It… You… I… He… It wasn’t!”

“Tony,” Steve said gently as he looked straight at the young man, “If anyone ever has any sort of sexual contact with you that you don’t want, then it is rape and you need to tell someone.”

“But… But… I was being childish, disobeying, when I said I didn’t want it. When I tried to fight it!”

Horror was slowly growing in Steve’s stomach as he matched the words up a conversation he remembered only too well. 

Tony obviously saw the frantic denial in his eyes and mistook it. “It wasn’t! I was being bad, and things were better when I was good! Steve, you said so!”

And just like that, even denial couldn’t save him from the picture the pieces obviously created. He knew, in that instant, just what exactly had happened.

He knew just what exactly he’d done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally the end. The next, and last, chapter is an epilogue of sorts.


	3. 35: Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big age jump because, let's be honest, there is *no* quick fix for these sorts of issues. This is the last bit.

“So. You and Pepper, hunh?”

Tony glanced over at the blonde next to him and grinned. “As happy as I am about my engagement, I get the feeling that’s not actually what you want to talk about.”

He’d realized, trapped in that cave, that the person he was most interested in coming home to, even with Captain America as family, was Pepper. They’d been dating for a year, and he’d proposed on the evening that the Stark Expo opened once again. Even the prospect of having an actual family again hadn’t bothered him (she’d only been late by a week, okay, it was probably just stress now that she was sharing CEO duties with him), proving that he had moved on.

Steve didn’t believe him, though. It was exasperating, especially since a great many of their fights had to do with Steve thinking he was ‘just a kid’ or ‘not thinking straight’, and not listening. Still, he could understand. In many ways, the older man was far more scarred from Tony’s childhood than tony was at this point.

Tony ran his hand through his hair, wincing as some strands got caught in the gauntlet. “Look, Cap, why don’t we go grab some burgers and head up to the SI roof to talk? Not that Fury’s little goons can’t get everywhere, but we can at least pretend to have privacy for this discussion.”

Steve hesitated, then dropped his chin in a quick nod. Tony grinned and put his helmet back on before reaching out to grab his oldest friend and take off into the night sky.   
*  
To most people, seeing a brightly coloured robot and a star-spangled American hero going through the drive-thru would be odd. To the people that worked night shift at his favourite burger joint, it was just a regular Tuesday. He had standing credit with them, and never failed to show up the next day (or send Happy) to pay his bill. 

They made it to the roof easily and ate in silence, legs dangling over the edge. Even when they were done, neither quite knew what to say. They hadn’t actually talked about what had happened all those years ago since Tony turned twenty one, had gotten wasted at his birthday party, and their counsellor had declared that Steve needed to not have Tony in the room during sessions anymore. It had still taken a few months before the ‘big, scary blonde’ had finished cockblocking Tony, but the billionaire had tried to be patient then, too. 

It was just… When you were that young, that rich, and that good looking, a towering, disapproving godfather was basically blue balls personified (yes, Tony had made a few cracks about the blue outfit, so sue him. He was sexually frustrated and didn’t care who knew it at that point). It was one of only two truly awkward times in their relationship, so both had avoided mentioning it ever since. 

That was probably what led to them never clearing the air in the last fourteen years. Now, though, Tony knew they had to get over it.

“Pepper doesn’t have any family any more either, you know.” He said by way of introducing the topic. Steve shot him an assessing gaze, not sure what that had to do with anything. “So that means we’re short one important person for the wedding. Rhodey’s Best Man, I already asked, and Pep liked your little redheaded ninja spy enough to ask her to be the Maid of Honour. I said I was only okay with that if she didn’t stab me at any time during the planning, the day, or the honeymoon. She said no promises, but Pepper overruled me.” Steve grinned at that, knowing how much hidden affection there actually was between the agent and her pseudo-boss. “Still, we need someone to walk Pepper down the aisle. We were hoping you’d do the honour.”

Steve looked pole-axed, and Tony cursed his father for putting this good man in the position where he was honestly surprised to be asked to participate in Tony’s wedding. “But, Tony… It’s your wedding! It’s supposed to be a happy day! You should only be surrounding yourself with good things, not things with such bad connotations…” He was silenced by Tony turning to grab his arms in a strong grip and glare.

“We do want only good memories of that day. That’s part of why we want you there. We… Hell, I love you, and I want you at my wedding. You’re still my hero, you’re an inspiration, and you are a good man! You have never done anything to make me doubt that, and it hurts that you keep using that as a shield between us!” Tony’s face was earnest, and he was shaking the Captain slightly with emphasis. 

“But… What I did…” 

“Was an accident, Cap. A mistake. And you’ve spent sixteen years trying to make up for it at this point. Don’t you think that’s enough? You’ve apologized, and I’ve accepted, and you have never acted in a purposely hurtful way in your life. You’ve suffered enough, my friend. I don’t want that. I never wanted that. Do you understand me?”

Steve was silent for a moment, but Tony could tell he hadn’t quite won yet. “Tony, I aided in the molestation, in the rape, of a minor. It was due in part to my interference that the situation continued as long as it did. That’s not something that just goes away.”

Tony gave a harsh laugh, and Steve drew back like he’d been slapped. “Don’t you think I know that? I was there! I know what happened. And I’m telling you this right now: It is not and never had been your fault! That was all Howard and his power games. It was knowing you that kept me from suicide. It was knowing you that made me believe there was actual good in the world still. I met people at group therapy that are far worse off, because they didn’t have a good example in their lives. You were the reason I could joke with Rhodey, that I could shake my teachers’ hands, that I could function around men! Don’t you know what that means to me?

“And the thing is, I’ve never pushed it because I understand where you’re coming from. Enough people have told me that it’s not my fault that I believe it. It was nothing I did, and I understand that now. You, though… you have no truth that makes the guilt any lighter. And the reason it will never get lighter is because you are just that damned good of a man! And you’ve learned! You listen more, see more, now than you did before. You’re the one who noticed your one agent was acting odd after that mission you can’t talk about and got her help. You’re the one that fronts the publicity for the youth sexual trauma centers I fund, even though you hate putting on the publicity act. You are making a difference! You are growing from your experiences, and those are good things!”

Tony was silent for a moment then, but Steve let him be. He knew the other man wasn’t done yet. Tony sighed and dropped his hands onto his lap, fiddling with a nail as he continued. “I’m thirty five. I still can’t handle authority well, I still hate being told what to do or handed things, and I still hate when people bring up my father. But I’m not broken. He didn’t break me. I’m engaged to an amazing woman, I have a company that’s wealthy enough that I can spend my days doing what I love, I have friends that tell it to me straight and support me in all I do. And I wouldn’t change what happened then if it meant changing what’s happening now. My only regret is that the situation is taking you away from me.”

Steve bit his lip, thinking. He could hear the truth in every word Tony said, and it made him feel humble. If nothing else, he should keep his guilt to himself and use it only as fuel for his desire for justice. He shouldn’t be letting it hurt Tony. That wasn’t fair to him, to Pepper, or even to Steve himself. He reached out and grabbed the smaller man’s hands. “Tony… I would be honoured to walk Pepper down the aisle. Thank you.”

Tony smiled, the big beaming grin that he’d had since childhood and that Steve had felt unworthy of for the last decade and a half, and hugged him. And if a few manly tears slid down cheeks that night, well, it was nothing to be ashamed of. Those scars might never heal, but that wasn’t so bad in the grand scheme of things. There was nothing to be ashamed of.


End file.
